My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
