your parents love me but you hate me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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