our cab driver is having phone sex.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
