She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
