If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
