Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
