That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
