It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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