Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
high people should be assigned attendants
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
