you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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