the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you will always have a special place in my vag
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
