We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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