I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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