so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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