i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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