I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
