Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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