i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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