Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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