I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
