If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
