so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Randomize
