maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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