You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
