I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
