I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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