That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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