i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
