My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
