what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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