let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
