I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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