ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
