Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
