Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
