Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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