He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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