are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
