You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
