I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
