I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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