new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone shattered a urinal.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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