thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
