I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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