The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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