Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
