i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
