I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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