Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
