As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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