i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
