my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
